My phone died on me on the morning of February 17, 2009. For no apparent reason, no forewarning… the alarm just didn’t sound off that morning. I tried to change the battery but the phone remained lifeless. My 4 – year old N7610 suffered sudden death L
I temporarily used a cast-off N3315 unit for my SMART mobile number. A colleague advised me to get a retention plan from SMART (as I haven’t applied for it since I got my post paid line) so I can get a unit while contemplating on what new handset to buy (not that I care much about features, I just need one that allows me to call & send SMS). I dropped by the SMART office at SM-Cebu during my lunch break, filled-out the form and was advised on the 24-48 hours processing of the request made. Four days after, I got a call from a certain Ryan from the sales department informing me that the retention plan cannot be processed as I have to migrate my plan from SMART addict to SMART gold. This I did on February 21, 2009.
I went to manila on a convention, prepared for lectures, made test questions for the final exams and got lost in my daily activities that I never gave my business with SMART a thought until my friends asked whether the unit I was currently using (the iPAQ I won during the istorya.net anniversary) was the phone I got from the retention plan. Three weeks after my last visit, while looking for a friend’s overdue Christmas gift, I dropped by the SMART wireless center in SM Cebu to make a personal follow-up as to the status of my application. The Dennis I talked to was not aware of any application filed nor could he provide any information related to it. The Ryan was not around to answer my query and I was advised to come back to make another follow-up. Geeez! Aren’t these things supposed to be on file and the personnel in question be reached through their official mobile service if they’re not where they’re supposed to be in the middle of the afternoon on a working day?! I left 2 landline numbers and my GLOBE mobile number (in case the SMART people can’t access my SMART number!) and asked to be updated of the application. I had my theories:
1.) That RYAN didn’t file the application.
2.) He filed the application and the people in the central office hadn’t given a feedback after THREE WEEKS.
3.) The SMART network has cell sites in almost all corners in the Philippines but has failed to set one up for their own communication purposes.
Giving the group the benefit of the doubt (before I place the 4th theory on print), I waited for the PROMISED feedback within 24-48 hours. The realization that I was NEVER given a feedback came two weeks after. Before I come into the conclusion that I have been entertained by incompetent service providers (ooopsss, there goes theory #4), I called up the SMART HOTLINE *888 (march 28 @ 1607H) and was assured that a message will be sent to the SMART wireless center in SM Cebu and I will be receiving communication from the office regarding my request. I didn’t get any within the 24-48 hours promised. Two weeks later (april 11 @ 1540H), I was chastised by the CSR for not giving a service request number for this specific follow-up call since I have made prior calls regarding the same issue. Sorry, my bad. I wasn’t aware I was supposed to be assigned one.
I don’t know if my encounter with sheer neglect and exercise of incompetence is an isolated case. Dialling *888 whenever I have time in my hands has become a hobby of late:
april 18 @ 1336H
april 22 @ 1429H
april 24 @ 1616H
april 27 @ 0837H
april 30 @ 0907H
may 02 @ 1048H
may 06 @ 1403H
may 08 @ 1634H
I have even memorized the lines I’m usually given, I have been smothered by how much the other person on the line “understands how frustrating it must be not to be given a reply” and the reassurance that “my problem has been escalated to SM Cebu” and that I shall be hearing from them in 24-48 hours”. And as always, the same sob story happened. I never got a call or an SMS from SMART.
In all honesty, the retention plan application is a blur memory of the past. It was a practical move at that time when I needed a new handset. Whether it be granted or declined doesn’t matter much, I pay my bills on time and I am keeping my line as I have kept it for almost 5 years now. What just struck me is the inattention and incompetence of their personnel. It is pathetic to note that SMART makes possible communication spanning countless miles but fails in connecting the different stakeholders WITHIN its organization. My guess is, it’s not that SMART at all.
A week ago, in the journey of a girl whose only agenda in life is to live it: sleeping at 2am for the fancy of eating death-by-chocolate around midnight, alarm going off sooooo early just when the “kilig” part of the dream is about to happen, the coffee too hot to take in one gulp, the water too cold as the shower hits my semi-awake being, an SMS confirming that schedule’s 30 minutes earlier, no time for breakfast, traffic lights turning red just as soon as I reach the corner and all the vacant parking spaces are on the edge of the world. Harried, harassed and hungry, I had to put up a stance of composure as I walked inside a roomful of soon-to-be-colleagues who probably felt the same way as I did with all their hair still obviously wet from a hasty trip to the bathroom. A good thing the session didn’t last till noon, I was able to get a nap after brunch. Recharge!
And recharge I did. In the afternoon, I had a crash course on paper mache, paper casting, bread dough art and finishing cramped in a 2-hour session. Art has always been an interesting field, another dimension I seek when the frivolities of existing get out hand. It was amazing how stale bread can become a medium for creating beautiful rosettes, not to mention the other functions an ordinary kitchen appliance can perform. Amazing! I stood in awe as our source-person gave a guided tour around her abode. I was probably green with envy. The house was well-lived. The clutter of pieces she personally created by her own hands, influenced by techniques she acquired from her travels, driven by the passion of bringing into concretion the ideas in her artistic mind AND privileged by time… why can’t my life just be the same?
I took home some of the leftover dough. I had every intention of making hundreds upon hundreds of minute florets in between stretching my muscles on the wall at Vertigo when I remembered an invitation for firing. With the resolve to “watch”, I met up with the group at the range. OMG! Nilupad akong kalag when the first round was shot!!! I have never been comfortable with anything that explodes. Short of running away and making a comic out of my predicament, I sat rooted on the bench. THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS… I took out my dough and made rosettes, lots of them. It didn’t help much when I was called to the shooting range to get a feel of the sport.
After a quick orientation on equipment handling, proper stance and taking sight, I found myself walled by the 5-foot wide enclosure. Even with the ambient air getting cooler coz of the threat of rain, I was sweating too hard; breaths coming in close to the range of hyperventilation, my heart pounding the way it did when I had 7 cups of black coffee at a veeeeery boring convention and my forearm muscles trembling like it had a mind of its own (aren’t skeletal muscles supposed to be voluntary?). I was preoccupied by my body’s exaggerated response to the imminent “bang!” I’d be hearing, that I faltered in the just-taught basics; I had to be reminded to put the safety on first, feet wide apart (isosceles stance… lagi, lagi), shoulders a bit forward, align my sights, elbows steady. Putting the safety off, I squeezed the trigger and the world went dark…. Bang!
I was told my aim was off. I didn’t bother to contest the comment; I had my eye closed the whole time. Bless the droplets of perspiration on my forehead; I feigned the sweat’s sting on my eyes, masking the teardrops that rolled down from my tightly shut eyelids. Sissy! Good thing I was asked to put on sunglasses for whatever eye protection it can provide (most likely to save my pride from ridicule *wink*). After a couple or so rounds, I sought the refuge of the bench away from the shooting area. Still stunned from the experience, I begged off succeeding offers to assume that same spot. Not now… not yet, anyways.
The smell of burnt powder on my hand mixed with that of the bread dough; the art of shooting with the art of creation. I will definitely foster the paper art. And overcome my discomfort with guns… soon.
my gift for gab which i occasionally put in writing is limited only to when when my emotions are at extremes. catchy phrases, witty retorts and parting shots with multiple undertones have always been my weapon of choice. as i aged (no use denying it), my verbosity has somehow tempered.
lately, i have been spending time with myself; but not like those times when i sit on the roof until the mosquitos have riddled my body with stings or in front of my grandparents grave talking to myself until the bypassers retrace their steps to witness a girl turning psycho, though. i now have my trusty sportage to drive around, which i often convert into a sounding board. unresponding, yes, but undeniably trusted not to squeal when the information is TOO confidential (or downright insulting to the other party). and my ride doesn’t squirm in agony when i sing to diffuse the heat in my head (convection at its finest!).
so, in a tune that is uniquely my own, i chant this oh-so-appropriate song i have often referred to as “mayyang’s anthem”: BITCH.
I hate the world today
You’re so good to me, I know
But I can’t change
Tried to tell you
But you looked at me like maybe
Im an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
You must have been relieved
To see the softer side
I can understand how you’d be so confused
I dont envy you
I’m a little bit of everything
All rolled into one
I’m a bitch
I’m a lover
I’m a child
I’m a mother
I’m a sinner
I’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I’m your hell
I’m your dream
I’m nothing in between
You know you wouldn’t want it any other way
So take me as I am
This may mean you’ll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
And I’m going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won’t mean a thing
I’m a bitch
I’m a lover
I’m a child
I’m a mother
I’m a sinner
I’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I’m your hell
I’m you dream
I’m nothing in between
You know you wouldn’t want it any other way
Just when you think
You got me figured out
The seasons already changin’
I think it’s cool you do what you do
And don’t try to save me
I’m a bitch
I’m a lover
I’m a child
I’m a mother
I’m a sinner
I’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I’m your hell
I’m you dream
I’m nothing in between
You know you wouldn’t want it any other way
I’m a bitch
I’m a tease
I’m a goddess on my knees
When you’re hurt
When you suffer
I’m your angel undercover
I’ve been numb
I’m revived
Can’t say I’m not alive
You know you wouldn’t want it any other way
… i cannot agree more with this song’s writer.
Directed by: Brillante Ma. Mendoza
Written by: Armando Lao and Boots Agbayani Pastor
The raves I saw on the primetime news egged me to view the film, despite the rather unsavory comments and not so pretty reviews I got on the Net.
The film started out flat and boring; with the credits flashed on screen to the sound of the film spool rolling (I was beginning to think this might be a horror flick, after all). Cinema verite as one review dubbed the film to be, it showcased a day in the life of a family headed by the matriarch Nanay Flor (Gina Pareño).
The setting was the ran-down, family-owned Family Theater (aptly tagged) where the typical extended Filipino family lives, along with the denizens of sex workers who offer their services to the gay patrons (hence the title: SERBIS). The multitude of characters prevented the exploration of each personality. With the powerful cast, it would have been better if the characters were given more exposure than the over extended shots at the end of a segment which leads to nowhere (imagine the father bringing his son to school and the camera shoots the retreating figures from the house, across the street, braving through noisy and overcrowded street until the characters turn the corner and disappear from the frame… you might want to ask yourself, what was that for?!) until the next scene rolls in. Suffice it to say, the talents of a Gina Pareño and a Jaclyn Jose weren’t maximized.
I doubt if there were any attempts at filtering the noise when the video was edited. The sounds of the streets should have been muted a bit so as not to drown the actor’s dialogue. As if I wasn’t having a hard time figuring out what they were saying with the intermittent use of another dialect in their script! (kapampangan, I think). Subtitles would have been helpful. The scene where Nayda (Jaclyn Jose) looked out the window after she ran up and down numerous plights of stairways (imagine that of Hogwarts), the play of emotion on her face was magnificent. A twinge of regret, a hint of a smile, a touch of hope and the beginnings of a laugh at the corners of her mouth in her tear-stained face as she rattles off in her native dialect. Her look was priceless but I don’t have an idea what sentiment brought on the emotion. Sad. =(
A movie critic during the Cannes Film Festival walked out on the movie because of too much “unneeded explicit and gratuitous nudity and sex”. True. I can not reconcile why the movie has to open up with a naked gyrating pre-pubescent girl mouthing out i-love-you’s to herself in the mirror; more-so with the shot that lingered on her bosom and pubis; totally unnecessary. I still cannot understand how a goat got loose in the theatre, interrupting the not-so-decent activities in the movie house as everybody got up and chased after the goat. It was a fun segment, but I still don’t get the parallelism in societal issues if ever it was a medium for symbolism.
As the third Filipino movie ever to grace the prestigious festival, Serbis wasn’t able to deliver well.
Off from my 5pm work sked, I was met with a world wrapped in gray and a drizzle turned shower turned downpour… The dull surroundings do not bother me a bit. The sky devoid of any cloud formations is a blank that has always been my muse. A deluge of words flood my brain, as the raindrops kiss the earth and seep to its core… I then vent my gift for gab on print.
I LOVE RAIN… that is an understatement.
The cacophony of sounds is hypnotic: splashes on the windshield mocking the power of the wiper, testing my visual acuity… the squeak of the squeegee on the wiper as it toils to sweep off the splatter, humming out “swish-swish-swish”… the staccato of the raindrops on the roof, against the wall, dripping, slipping onto the ground with another pit-pat… the sound of the tire on the pavement, fervently trying to come in contact with the slippery pavement… I turned off the radio and tuned in to nature’s aria. Percussion at it’s finest J
I can not describe my obsession with speeding on a heavy downpour, making ripples on the puddles, awed by the arc the wave makes, occasionally jolting me out of the reverie when it hits my window, fearing I’d get wet… adrenaline rush =)
I prefer to be wet in a downpour than be seen with an umbrella. I love the feel of the ambient air cooling off my drenched skin. Downright relaxing, naturally cleansing. I love rain showers. Even when I got the worst allergies when I was in grade school after bathing in a downpour that I almost didn’t make it to the regional meet of the DOST quiz bowl. And did I learn? Hhhmmmm. There’s always an antihistamine for every hypersensitivity attack J
The rain brings back memories, though not captured on film but perfectly etched in the recesses of my frontal lobe, perfect moments that never fail to bring on a smile:
…playing “tubig-tubig” with gayang, haidee & analy during torrential rains
…the wet sting on my face when teles, bitoy, donnel & I had the banana boat ride in boracay
…the volleyball game my aug2003 pakmates & I played under the downpour after I cancelled the afternoon’s session, while we laughed our hearts out at gigitte’s feeble attempts in dodging the ball only to be splattered by the mud as it dropped near her
…the squeals rey, michelle, anna & I shared as the flat-bottomed boat that took us to nalusuan island and back to mainland cebu battled the 2-3 foot waves of the hilutungan channel, not recognizing marbert’s tight grip on side rail & maam tess’ mumbled prayers for deliverance
…the rainy early easter Sunday morning which threatened to sabotage donnel’s planned bird-watching in olango island; a blessing in disguise since the cool waters even at 7am made it possible for us to witness two families of dolphins 10 meters apart cut through the boat’s path while they search for food
…the three-hour drive from argao under a very heavy downpour (visibility up to 5 meters away) while laverne, epz, bronze & taning slept due to exhaustion and alcohol overload from the bottles of emperador we had (duha2x tu ka long neck & lapad, noh?) to ward off the chill when skimming in mahayahay beach in the midst of an ITCZ
…the isolated rain showers in balamban that caused my heart to skip a bit while ining, kaiye, wini and I, super-busog from the liempo we had for lunch, took a stop to buy ornamental plants (I have no plans of driving in the rain on the transcentral highway!) which later cleared up, making the foliage along our route greener and more alive than I’ve ever seen them
…the videokefest in tuburan for princess’ birthday which brought on a drizzle, making the midnight dip in molobolo spring a very chilling experience (especially when coupled with lani’s supernatural accounts)
…the delight in checking out the drenched food strip at the mactan shrine during the “kadaugan sa mactan” celebration, (twas my 90th alcohol-free day, too!); buying every delectable foodstuff: sea food pasta from white sands resort, tacos & pork pepperoni from sotogrande, chicharong bulaklak from waterfront, spicy shrimp from ‘no problem’ resto and crepes from an olango island resort; not to mention the BBQ mark added to the mouth-watering array when we brought the goodies to his office to feast on. YUMMY!
The list can go on. And on… And on… But like any downpour, it ceases; and the sun shines through. I halt my reverie to acknowledge the end of the wet spell. I am a sun worshipper, after all J
Coming home to my island abode after being “non”-mobile for a week due to car problems was laced with anticipation. I was thankful that it had rained most of the weekdays knowing my plants would be adequately watered. I had run images in my head as to which rose bush is having a bud or in full bloom. But the typhoon Frank quelled this beautiful reverie.
The stark contrast of the lively green foliage against a curtain of gray was depressing. More so with most of the towering trees & tall bushes bent by the wind’s underestimated forces. Petals from my thumb roses lay scattered in the adjacent plot, a branch ripped off from the trunk. Flowers & young fruits joined the fallen leaves on the ground. Only the yellow & white trumpets were unfazed by the wind, clinging strongly to the makeshift trellis.
I slept lulled by the howling winds and woke up to a sunny Sunday morning. The status of the plants I have been tending was a sorry sight. My only recourse was to prune the bushes. Cutting off the branches breaks my heart much as it traumatizes the plants. Although I have full understanding of the benefits of shearing off, it pains me to see a live twig cut & thrown away. It is such a waste to put away something which reeks of life; so in my sentiments, I replant the branches. The chances of developing roots and eventually growing are next to nil. But I keep faith.
Letting go is not as easy as it seems…
got this from the wires… it was just soooo darn sweet i couldn’t help but repost this… i’ll try to come up with an original version, but it’ll probably end up cheesier than this.
When she walks away from you mad [ Follow her ]
When she stares at your mouth [ smile...then kiss her ]
When she pushes you or hit’s you [ hug her tight ]
When she starts cursing at you [ say i love you ]
When she’s quiet [ hold her hand and ask what's wrong ]
When she ignores you [ act cute so she'll notice you ]
When she pulls away [ Pull her back ]
When you see her at her worst [ tell her you love her and she still looks amazing ]
When you see her start crying [hold her...ask her what's wrong]
When you see her walking [ approach her..give a kiss on the cheek. ]
When she’s scared [assure her you're not goin to leave her ]
When she lays her head on your shoulder [ tilt your head too..and hold her hand ]
When she steals your favorite hat [ let her keep it]
When she teases you [ Tease her back and make her laugh ]
When she doesnt answer for a long time [ reassure her that everything is okay ]
When she looks at you with doubt [ Back yourself up ]
When she says that she likes you [ she really does more than you could understand ]
When she grabs at your hands [ Hold hers and play with her fingers ]
When she bumps into you [ bump into her back and make her laugh ]
When she tells you a secret [ keep it safe and untold ]
When she looks at you in your eyes [ dont look away until she does ]
When she misses you [ she's hurting inside ]
When you break her heart [ the pain never really goes away ]
When she says its over [ she still wants you to be hers ]
When she repost this bulletin [ she wants you to read it ]
- Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.
- When she’s mad hug her tight and don’t let go
- When she says she’s ok dont believe it, talk with her
- because 10 yrs later she’ll remember you:
- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up
- Treat her like she’s all that matters to you.
- Tease her and let her tease you back.
- Stay up all night with her when she’s sick.
- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.
- Give her the world.
- Let her wear your clothes.
- When she’s bored and sad, hang out with her.
- Let her know she’s important.
- Kiss her in the pouring rain.
- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Who’s ass am I kicking babe?"
i was rereading Dan Brown’s "Angels & Demons" and came across this mantra.
REMEMBRANCE… the presupposition that one once knew the answer, creating the mindset that the answer must exist thus eliminating the crippling conception of helplessness.
Nice.
I had no choice but to hear you You treat me like I’m a princess You’ve already won me over in spite of me Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole You’ve already won me over in spite of me You are the bearer of unconditional things You’re the best listener that I’ve ever met I’ve never felt this healthy before You’ve already won me over in spite of me
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it
I’m not used to liking that
You ask how my day was
And don’t be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don’t be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn’t help it
It’s all your fault
You’re so much braver than I gave you credit for
That’s not lip service
And don’t be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don’t be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn’t help it
It’s all your fault
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience
You’re my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long
I’ve never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now
And don’t be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don’t be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn’t help it
It’s all your fault
…ALANIS MORISSETTE
how often have i sulked over missed opportunities that i let by because i was too self-preserving to invest in a major emotional risk? how often have i gone out of the norm to take on a dare, using the excuse that i have a life to live, and things ended up badly? how many times have my impulse to do things brought me in compromising situations? how often had my friends chastised me on my unorthodox lifestyle?
i have lost count…
i have never claimed to be the epitome of modesty, nor of reason. i have somehow adopted the “dark-side” to shield most of the people i care about from my co-devils. hypocrisy is unknown to me. tact i have only mastered recently. the question on values is relative; my stand has always been “in reference to whom?” and “to whose standards?”. i have always thought that character is what i think i am, reputation merely what others think of me. my friends come with situations more disheartening than others can dream of. i have never cast judgment, never wanting to be judged myself, always believing that there might be a shred of good left in each one. myself included…
i apologise when i do something evil that cause somebody pain and when i did not do anything which also led to somebody getting hurt… i have always been honest with my apologies, i apologise because i need to. i do not dole out apologies expecting to be forgiven. i do not take back what i say either.
cleaning up my act is an advise took of late. in my recourse to do so, i have invoked the wrath of people from different ages & lifestyle. emotional detachment is my forte, though; this is as honest as i can be. a “reactive” sort of anger is a response i can deal with, my angst being a side of me i fully understand. being understood is far from what i would expect, being forgiven farther still (a tall order, no doubt)…
to quote poison ivy in batman & robin: “i am a lover not a fighter”… if a battle is on, it would be my fight against my own personal resident-evil.
